Weaving Hope through Negotiation

Madhuri Case Study:

Madhuri is 19 years old who used to live with her family in Trilokpuri. She started coming to the community centre as a student to learn Mathematics and has been here since then. Her journey of six years with us is full of ebbs and flows, crying and laughing together. The team has seen her actively participating in every activity, especially the ones where she could get a chance to showcase her dancing skills and initiate some important discussions among her friends. She used to make sure that everyone around her felt comfortable and connected to space. However, one year ago, Madhuri became indifferent, so she was silent and did not come to the centre regularly. Many informal conversations with her regarding the shift in her behavior led to nothing. Later, the team decided to take some concrete steps to understand her source of trouble. We started off with a visit to her home where a simple conversation took place about her life and her feelings regarding her environment. One day she expressed herself and told us about her romantic relationship with a boy from her community and how her family is against this relationship. While talking about her relationship she specifically mentioned that her involvement with him was not limited to romantic partnership, but it was extended to sexual relationships as well. There was an immense pressure from her partner for sexual favors’ and she felt it is his right to demand it even when she does not want to be part of it. And during all this, she was the target of physical and mental violence from her family and partner. However, now the real question at that point was regarding her constant engagement with him. She answered that she is still with him because of some rare moments of attention and affection which she couldn’t receive from her family. The team did understand the void within her and the fact that she feels that she is not worthy of love. Now, we knew what had to be done to let her realise her self-worth. We began this process, by calling her everyday to the centre and talk to her personally about a lot of issues from power dynamics in relationships, idea of care and concern, awareness regarding sexual activities and consent to understanding her potential and exploring her talent.  Some days she used to cry her heart out after reflecting on her life and some days she would simply laugh it off as if nothing was too big in front of her confidence. This kept on happening for a very long time and we thought it as a positive sign until one day when we got to know that she eloped with her partner. This came as low point for the team, as we always thought that things are going in a positive direction where she started looking for her own validation than her partner’s approval in her decision-making process. However, after this major setback, we decided not to stop keeping check on her. She said that after her marriage she feels extremely lonely as she has lost contact with everyone around her, especially with friends and family. However, she said that the presence of Yuva Saathi centre in her life was the only source of happiness as she had the space where she could express openly. Initially, we would call her and kept her engaged in sessions on gender sensitivity, samvidhan, movie screenings and theatre. She told us how her partner (husband) “forbids” her from going out of home and coming to the centre because he thinks that she would start questioning the existing power quo of their relationship and become a “bad wife”. Once during our regular discussion sessions she said and I quote “agar time machine jaisi koi cheez hoti toh mei usmei bethkar future mei jati aur dekhti ki mei bohot famous dancer ban gayi hu aur log mujhse baat krna chahti hai”, this time she is determined to take stand for herself and her constant involvement reminds us the old days when she was full of spirit.